Why We Obsess About Problems and Goals

Posted on Posted in Communication

We are addicted to the adrenaline of worrying and stressing. The packet of thoughts and feelings associated with “stress” are so familiar that we worry if we are not worrying. If there is nothing there, we cleverly invent it without realising what we are doing. And we live in a world where the perfect justification for worrying is on special offer all the time.

You can feel quietly calm and confident about something until you get together with a friend and your worried thoughts come pouring out like vomit. You feel more normal that way. You trust that your venting helps you to feel better but all you do is go round in circles in your head until the stress and worry is golden baked.

Last Thursday I gave the first edition of a workshop called “Habla Inglés Borracho 0,0”. A translation could be: “Speak Drunk-0,0 English”. The participants spoke English with a free mind, as if they were drunk (without drinking), having considered the nature of the mind and communication.

One of the objectives of the workshop was to highlight the misunderstanding that the participants would feel better if they increased their English level. The curious revelation was that for most people, their English level is never enough. As they have to use English in their companies, this creates the potential for them to feel bad for the rest of their working lives.

This is a metaphor for how we live our lives. Always postponing our happiness. Clinging to expectations and living in frustration and disappointment. “English” then becomes the ideal excuse for something to worry and feel bad about, so as to give you the false sense that you are “advancing” towards eventually feeling better.

All the demands, all the tightness, all the pressure, lead to insecurity, and a lack of confidence, motivation and fluency. The whole thing is created by the mind, moment to moment. If you are capable of stepping back and questioning all that you think and feel; of giving your mind space to reset itself, a natural intelligence will lead you to perceive your “problem” in new and helpful ways. Creative insights cannot be brewed in a teapot that is overflowing with stewed water.

You are not alone. We all recognise this way of treating ourselves and living at moments in our lives. Yet, no one can have the insights for you. Only you can allow your perception of reality to evolve. The road of evolution may be endless and full of possibilities but important changes do not have to be a long, arduous tasks. Every moment is a new opportunity for instantaneous, profound change; change cannot happen outside of life, outside of the right now. So loosen up. Drunk-0,0. Start observing and playing. Be ready to let go of familiar feelings. Be ready to be really worried about not having anything to worry about.

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